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| Lawyer Dating |
1 Fish where the fish are
To meet a lawyer, you need to be in a lawyer-rich
location. Topping the list is Washington D.C. , where around 1 out of every 12 people is a lawyer,
right behind New York Arkansas
2 Go in for the kill
Once you’re in a lawyer-rich environment, you’ll
need to go in for the kill. Our survey made it clear that lawyers spend more
time in one place than any other: the office. If infiltrating a law office
seems impractical or illegal, your next best option is a bar–that is, a bar
association event or continuing legal education seminar. Finally, you could
frequent bars (where they sell drinks) near courthouses, but exercise caution
to avoid alcoholics in legal trouble.
3 Beware the lawyer personality
Once you’ve snagged a lawyer, beware. According to
20-year psychologist, Dr. Fiona Travis, “the same qualities that persuade
juries and win cases can also work like acid on marital relations.” Our survey
indicated the same, with one lawyer wife telling us that she endures “power
trips” and “being spoken to like opposing counsel." Studies also show that
lawyers tend to be defensive, argumentative, skeptical, and anti-social.
However, the bright side is that you won’t experience these things often because
lawyers are rarely at home. As one lawyer said, “Lawyers tend to be type A
workaholics and have a hard time balancing work and family.”
4 Only repeat things you hear from credible people
Lawyers are trained to destroy witness credibility
on cross examination. That’s why if you ever repeat something you’ve heard, you
should volunteer the tipster’s name, education, occupation, and criminal
history.
5 Use Latin whenever possible
Lawyers feel warm and fuzzy when they hear Latin.
An easy way to use Latin without knowing any is to give your pets Latin names.
When you say, “Why, yes, I have a pet! It’s a poodle named Per Stirpes!” any
lawyer will turn to putty in your hands.
6 Make love notes long and confusing
Brevity and clarity make lawyers feel uncomfortable
and agitated, much like normal people feel at the DMV. For example, don’t say,
“Let’s head back home early for some fun.” Instead say, “Let’s return early to
the domicile for some malfeasance.”
7 Don’t be surprised when your lawyer sweetheart
nitpicks everything
When it happens, don’t accuse him of splitting
hairs. That would be like accusing a dolphin of swimming. Instead, thank him
for being both a gentleman and a scholar.
8 Always cite sources
When in doubt, point to scientific studies, real or
imagined. For example, instead of saying you “feel” that fried Twinkies should
be illegal, say they’ve been associated with stroke and suicidal ideation. Your
lawyer lover may chastise you for sloppy research later, but will respect your
appeal to authority.
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| Wealthy Dating |
9 Never speak of beliefs not backed by empirical
evidence
For example, if you believe in the healing power of
magnets, keep it to yourself. Instead, loudly and passionately accuse wait
staff and small children of non sequiturs. Throw in a disparaging comment about
the American education system for extra points.
10 Remember, it can all be very worth it
Lawyers, despite their posturing and
sometimes-aggressive demeanor, are really very sweet at heart. As one lawyer
put it, “I am looking for honesty, loyalty, a good listener, someone who can be
confident, a companion and my best friend.” With a little training, persistence
and patience, a lawyer can be the love of your life.
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